Monday, May 29, 2006

Home. His hse. Gan bei porridge. P.S. The Cathay. Secret Garden.
Hokkien Songs. Chinese Songs. Beer. Home.
Beer not my type of drink. Makes me drunk more easily den martell.
I shall stop beer le... And think of the beer belly. yucks!
IB game tml...
oh... sld i go OIAP?
thinking*

butterfly fantasy at
12:21 AM

Saturday, May 27, 2006

i had a weird wierd dream.
everyone in the gang started giving me flowers.
fake de, real de. all haf.
den they all turn into ballons but i din noe.
so... POP! POP! POP! omg...
i asked yan lin to take the one at my feet out.
she scare of balloons also.. but when she got closer,
i got so scare tt i hold it too tight den... POP!! again.
wat a weird dream!
been having these weird dreams so often now.
Why~~
I wan dreams of my prince CHARMING~

Anw, yest.. i had carrot cake with PRAWNS for dinner.
eve of my bday! wahaha... but it was nice.
Too bad sum1 lost tt pouch.
Heartache for u oso...
But in the end, I had fun too!
Thanks!!
You are the first to wish me, by the way!
Verbally la... haha.

The pain will b here to stay, but now, I chose to regard it as life. =)

butterfly fantasy at
11:32 AM

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

ktv.
crazy ppl.. realli crazy.
feel so sian coz of all the songs.
yepp.. im still affected.
but after tt meal,
oh man.
i was crazy too.
wahaha...

suddenly all ur friends haf ur pic on. wth?

butterfly fantasy at
11:19 PM

Got the book.
Sent the application.
Realise IMF & IAP clashes.
What m i to do??
Met up with the gang.
Thou i said no celebration,
think tt was a lil gathering dinner/bday celebration oso ba.
hehe... thanks guys! esp.. lin jie jie!!
Next yr is Chapt 2 le!
excited?
Love the green top
but need sumthing to wear it.
think u noe wat i toking abt.. haha.. :p
Looking at him,
i tot of us.
shoo away all the bad tots pls..
Im happy now.
Satisfied, at least.

Only when i see you,
I smile the happiest.
:)

butterfly fantasy at
1:36 AM

Monday, May 22, 2006

The Wedding
"Yes, I decided, a man can truly change.
The events of the past year have taught me much about myself, and a few universal truths. I learned, for instance, that while wounds can be inflicted easily upon those we love, its often much more difficult to heal them. Yet in the process of healing those wounds provided the richest experience of my life, leading me to believe that while I've often overstimated what I could accomplish in a day, I had underestimated what I could do in a year. But most of all, I learned that it's possible for two people to fall in love all over again, even when there's been a lifetime of disappointment between."

Its truely a very sweet story. Read this book if you guys haf the time.
Then, ponder if you could really fall in love again. Would you be afraid of the disappointment, if it doesnt work out? Or would you still have the right feelings to continue or would it turn to hatred, instead? Well, either way, its a gamble. That's all I can say. =)

I finally finished it. Tml, I gonna get 'At First Sight'.
I used to lie on the bed when i was in Sec.4 and read.
One whole afternoon. Really.
I would be so sick of facing those 10yrs series that i would escape into the fiction world.
Its so relaxing there. Esp. away from all the stress.
I used to wonder how i was able to do it.
the time jus flows... 1pm..2pm..3..4..5..6.
How many times haf i fallen alslp holding a book?
Countless. Then, I wiould find myself waking up 1/2hr later to continue the book.
Maybe that was why i was so occupied.
Mayb that was why i'm not lost.
I was feeling everything from the book.
How great the feeling was.
I did it again today.
I was reading and i fell alslp.
Dreamless sleep. Then the chattering of my mum woke me up.
So i continued with the book.
Blessed~
I found the love of my life again.
Reading...
Okies.. im a bookworm. :x



Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our heart
and we are never, ever the same.
-- Anonymous

butterfly fantasy at
7:06 PM

Saturday, May 20, 2006

I have so much free time on my hand now.
Okies.. to be fair. I haven been doin my tutorials.
But i listen during tutorials time k.
So... more or less i get it ba. except ATM.
The tutor went.. 'Ok, can sum1 read out the numbers for me. The words are too small.'
-.-

Jus borrow a book from the Library.
Been so long since i step into the library.
I used to go there everyday.
Watch movies and study..
those were the days..
Anyways.. the book i borrowed 'The Wedding'.
Recommanded by... Monica.
haha.. highly efficient on my part ya?
I got it the day she mention it to me.
*winks

Its really a very sweet story.
Continued from 'The Notebook'.
How a husband's feelings towards his marriage, after 30 yrs.
How sweet is that... thou 30yrs is a long time to realise something is wrong.
Men are oways a lil slower..
He said, "The first time she did this(held hands), I remember thinking how right it felt. Though it sounds ridiculous, when a couple holds hands, it either feels right or it doesn't. I suppose this has to do with the intertwining of fingers and the proper placement of the thumb,..."
Anyone had that 'right' feelings before?
Actually.. even thou it doesnt feel right at first, you can get use to it.
oh well.. shall not elaborate.

Oh ya... i was praised at work today.
That man ask mi if im doing this everyday.
So i said 'eh... no. Jus on saturdays'
& i smiled, of coz!
He said 'You are doing a good job.'
Damn happy can..
I was so depress last wk at work.
So many ppl, so many complaints.
Ok, over and done with.
Im happy now.
wahahaha!

if only you knew how much i missed the times...if only..

butterfly fantasy at
10:50 PM

I had been given the green light.
yippee.
i can finally leave this shithole.
anyone gg to miss me?
wahaha~

jac, can u SENSE my EXCITMENT??
come on!!

i love my parents! =)

butterfly fantasy at
12:59 AM

Thursday, May 18, 2006

You asked me if i loved the man,
unworthy as you say he was,
it seems so me I did,
My friend,
Without much reason,
or a good "because."
What a wretch he is now,
in my ever-clearing brain,
What a dandy,
what a scoundrel,
and, oh, my friend,
how much pain
he inflicted on my heart
without ever looking back.
O alack!
Plague take the rogue
and curse his soul.
What a devil was that man.
What an evil sort of troll!
But was he really all those things?
Was he quite as vile as that?
Then why is it that i love him,
sitting here
and looking back?

butterfly fantasy at
1:32 PM

Past vs Present
Reality vs Memories

Wat m i thinking now?
I duno.
Sudden wave of desperation.

Gone for good?

butterfly fantasy at
12:07 AM

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I did Full French Mani yest!
Was damn bored la... went bugis walk walk alone.
But only went bugis street.
Saw soooooo many things i wanna buy.
White leather bag, wallet, clothes, SHORTS(jac.. shorts~~ :p), 3/4 quater... hais..
money pls?

That auntie selling necklaces so gd can.
I dun ve enluff cash on me but i fell in love wif 3 necklace.
She decided to let me haf them first, pay money nx week.
No deposit. nth.
Wat is she thinking man?
I damn pai sei.. keep telling her no need no need.
'you yuan cai hui mai ni.'
Wah...
Think i got a trust-worthy face.
wahahaha.

Sarangoon North's chicken rice is damn nice.
Been so long since i eat chicken rice.
Niang tou foo everyday.

Pray tt volcano doesnt erupt so u can come back.
wahaha.
we plan so nice liao...
movie, shopping, drinks.
shall we include massage oso?
hehe.. old man need a massage. I need to relax more.
wah~
oh man. pls be back.

And btw, pls dun scold any1 who had jus caused a loved one to die.
U think he not guilty enluff meh?
His gf died in front of him rite..?
If he noe will accident, i think gif him a million he oso wun drive ba.
Console him ma...

Cookie dough! Here i come!!

butterfly fantasy at
4:04 PM

Sunday, May 14, 2006

How time flies.. 15th mth.
I was at sentosa chalet last yr's yest.
I send him to the bus stop so he could go clubbing wif his friends.
Xiong's bday.
He told me the nx day tt he wanted to come back to the chalet to be wif me instead cos he made a terrible mistake.
Memories haf a weird way of re-surfacing. I might be wrong abt the dates and stuff(i suck at dates) but feelings is wat counts.
Shoo shoo.. all memories shoo shoo.

My dear vina..
4yrs.. Din think u were still holding on..
You and I will oways be the same kind.
Remb the times when we went tution tgt?
We would talk and talk abt her and abt him.
=) sweet memories.
This yr, suddenly both of us haf to learn how to let go.
Can you do it, vina? Or.. haf u done it?

"Once, i thought that being faithful and devoted will bring the dearest girl i love, back to my side. Now, i realise that it isn't true. Time and tide doesn't mean anything at all...at the end of the day, feelings count..."

"A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.."

You still manage to enlighten me some way, some how. =)
Be gald we both had tt chance, only it wasnt meant to be then.
Many of my friends told me, "If its meant to be yours, it will be back to your side no matter how long it takes."
But many of my friends din dare tell me tt too, cos they noe i will wait.
To wait or not to wait, my dear?
Hmm... jus be happy with who we are now, and our companions..
Garry had already calculated tt we spent 33.xx% of our life? agar agar la..
The truth will be out sooner or later.
Btw, Im missing you!!
If you are free, lets meet up for dinner~
Or mayb... wait for Garry to get well!

Garry!! We are waiting~~

Am happy for him, Jac..

butterfly fantasy at
12:22 PM

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Lost. Again.

butterfly fantasy at
5:41 PM

Friday, May 12, 2006

Finally done wif chores..
I need to shop. shop. shop.
was suppose to shop today.
jus to get the stuffs for tml.
cos u noe.. i dun dress up.
suddenly everyone wans to dress up.
omg...im dead. tml. how many more hrs till tml?
haf to work in the morn too..
oh man. no time no time.

Well.. sum1 has inform mi he cant skip tt trip.
and cannot take tt leave.
(hey you... reading tis ma?)
but well, work is more impt.
and the way we played this past few days is way enluff to last mi till nx yr.
seriously, thou its only small case for u but u noe... for mi, its not.
Thanks again..

Sometimes... horoscope are true..
Most often you prefer to work without restraint and to mix up your routines frequently just to prevent getting restless. Now, however, you may be given so much freedom that you secretly wish you had more guidance about what you should do. Accept the current circumstances as an opportunity to experiment freely, returning to more structure in your life later on.
Its true tt suddenly i haf too much freedom. Parents gone for a week. Might still be goin to msia for another few days. I hope they stay in Sg, thou. Then i can haf something to worry abt, something tt holds me back. I think i haf 'experiment' enough. I would prefer my previous life but tis time, i wanna add some space, some fun, some excitment and irregularity in it. Gone are the days where life is a circle - a circle of luffs, pain, fights, tears, lies, struggle and love.
People come and go. I shouldnt hold on to anything.
Jus let everything go the way fate wants them.
And at the same time, let everything come the way fate brings them.

Dun expect. Now i noe why..

butterfly fantasy at
7:14 PM

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Feelin so sian now..
Mayb i shall learn to play pool.
Had fun watching them play it yest.
Oh ya.. he gave me 4 crystals from the bottles yest.
Wondering if i can string it up to be a necklace.
U noe.. real crystals. haha.

Steamboat is cancel again.
Bro is out.
And he went billard.
Mayb gg dinner later wif him.
My last nite of freedom!! But eh..
actually this round doesnt seem so fun le.
It used to be so fun de.
oh well.. things changed.

Wen lin ge(see i din call u potato..).. dun be angry la..
i realli went hm very late la..
after we went off i had to send him hm first.
he dead drunk le.
By the time i reach hm ard 4 le..
haf to iron my bro uni den i realli fell alslp on the sofa ma..
I din take my hp out of the bag also..
Sorry la... Dun angry le la..
Msg u oso no reply..
Anw, I got retribution le la.. haha..
Come on!! read tis le.. reply lei.. dun angry la!!
Btw, thanks alot for the concern.
And im fine.. Wanna noe i fine anot y go ask jerri?
Ask mi ma.. haha. And we sld go watch movie again le!!
I owe u nachos! I remb!! haha.

Oh ya... Jerri jac cf!! I saw Brian!! U noe tt guy at pizza hut?
Lin's friend.. Think he's my classmates ex-classmate. Think onli!!
But i had this ultimate urge to ask him for a reading again.
I had to control for like 3 floors!! In the lift.
Oh man... I wish and i hope to see him again.
But i noe.. he will suffer if he gives out too many tips.
Should i?
hehee.. abit out of context ar.. he like more shuai le. =x

Im not a noble person. I'm jus a gal..
Im not a gal. Im jus a stepping stone.

butterfly fantasy at
4:32 PM

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

To ah girl jie:

I saw that msg le.. haha..
Firstly, all the blessings are for the two of you. =)
Not only him. And you haf every right to tok to me.
I still respect you as a jie jie.
Thou i cant understand y two ppl who wanted to b single becos they cant settle down yet will be tgt.. I think i shall not ask so much le..jus respect both ur decision.
The more i noe, the worse i feel.
U told me b4 u hope u wun fall into rebound love.
And i realli hope u mean tt cos i dun wish to see him suffer the same way i did.
Everything tt was said between us tt nite is still true.. as in i mean wat i said more den ever now.
U two seem more right for each other, plus i noe he wun gif up too unless he try it out.
Anyway.. i wun find another one. Jus let fate do its stuff.
Dun keep asking mi to find another one ar.. Im not tt old yet. :p
When the fate comes, perhaps..maybe..
Anyway Im happy now, thou still hurt.
But the very least, now we are able to tok and smile at each other.
Nobody has really dui bu qi who in our situation.
I haf my wrongs too.. so i cant push all the blame to the two of you. =)
If given a chance, i still wanna redeem all the wrongs.
But i oso hope there will be no chance.
For i noe, if there is, there is bound to be heartbreak for either or both of u.
Abit contridicting hor?
Too bad im a Gemini. haha.
Mayb tt's why i cant seem to make up my mind which direction to go now.
But guess i shall enjoy singlehood for now.

Is he worried, fen jie? To be honest, im gald he is.
He's not tt person he says he is.
I know i din make a wrong choice in choosing tt shoulder.
Ask him to read this msg too.
Den he will really be my friend who will be happy when we meet on the streets and not go 'eh.. its you ar.' den go into hiding cos he cant face me.
haha..mayb if he rembs, he will noe wat i mean.

If i were to go on.. there will b tons and tons more to say.
So i will jus end here..
Both of u already saw wat u needed to see here le..
=)

butterfly fantasy at
6:06 PM

I guessed i had a rough couple of days back since sat.
Yepp.. true tt everything was said and done.
Now mi and him finally find ourselves a compromise point.
We shall remain friends. But i wun look for him unless there is realli a need to.
We shall be like the last three times. When our fate comes again.. we will see how it goes.
But still, i hope u will b happy and carefree, wif her.
Right up till the end, I still cant find a reason to be mad at him.
how funny. when everyone already told me all the facts.
But well, this is between the 2 of us.
We had our chance and we missed it.
I respect your decision.
At least now, we are still able to face and smile at each other.
And we made pacts with each other.
I will hornour them, but time will tell if u realli haf tt heart.

Now wat's left for me is to pick myself up.
Quickly, in fact.
Cos i haven been myself since April.
Drinking is no longer on my list.
But if its for chilling out, by all means. haha.
I tried my very first puff today. But no more. I dun wanna become sum1, i myself cant stand.
Not tt i haf probs wif smokers. Jus tt it jus aint mi. I am alrite if ppl smoke in front of me thou.
Next up, it will be my sch work. Im rather slack now. But i hope i can divert all my attd to it first. Since this might be my last sems in NP. I realli hope to work for the 6mths attachment.
Then, more family time. Mayb i cant stand to be at hm cos its simply too naggy for me.
But if i try my best, mayb things will be better at hm. Den some stuff i might even open up to share wif my mum. But i doubt so. haha. Its not tt easy for mi to open up to ppl. Despite my loud personality k. Loud as in Noisy.

Anyways.. I found a good friend. A friend i had known for exactly 10 yrs. Why i say found cos we lost contact for millions of lightyrs den now we meet again.
And the timing is so good, he understands everything im gg thru without mi having to say anything.
Cos he has been thru it. Thou he may look like he gotten over it, realli kan kai le but when i hear the things tt he did for her, i wonder sometimes if he realli had gotten over.
He listened to my stories and gif mi advice. Its much easier to tok to him cos he wun force mi to accept things. He advice mi.

That's y im sorry for avoiding my bestie. Our prespective is diff from the start. And i realli dun wanna go into tt now, so i chose to settle things by myself. But tt doesnt mean u mean any lesser to me. Im jus tired of telling the same story. We suffered the same fate in the end.
But we handled the situation differently. Now, im still friends wif him. And wif her.
I would rather be friends wif them den hate them. Cos like i said, i had my chance and i missed it. And to hate someone is as tiring as to love someone. So i dun wanna torture myself le. Sometimes that kind of pain in the heart can be very overbearing for me. But now u haf gone thru tt stage le.. and haf sum1 by ur side. I realli hope everything goes well for u. If got any prob, im here. Thou might not b physically cos of our schedule, we can oways sms or msn each other, rite? =)

I really wish u all the best my dear.. But remb wat u promise me, k? =)

butterfly fantasy at
2:10 AM

Friday, May 05, 2006

WHAT THE HELL.
im early for lect. 1.5 hr early.
m i hardworking or wat.
Okies.. im basically jus stoning.
I cant even remb y i bouught my lappy along.

Yest is simply... HORRIBLE.
Sch is bad.
Work is bad.
Communication is bad.
Mood is bad.
Everything is bad la.

I know im forcing,
but beside this,
wat can i do?
everyone keep telling mi to kan kai yi dian.
Im so tired of everything.
I need a break..
I dun wanna b stuck in this shithole.
Everything will be over when sat comes...

ke xi bu shi ni,
pei wo dao jue huo

butterfly fantasy at
8:03 AM

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

i finally finally finaLLyyy went to kbox again.
It was like so last min can?
we were at ang mo kio stn den we decided to sing when the door started to close
and off we dash!
And den i realise i sux at k-boxing le!
I onli agar agar finish one whole song.
haha. oh well.
Thurs gg to steamboat. yum yum!
hey u invited mi de.
cannot say no liao.
dun forget ur jacket still wif mi.
wahahhaa.
dun miss mi too much k!

oh ya.. enrol for basic too! 2nd june.
wish mi luck.
if the 2 guys passed, and i dun, how m i gg to face the world???!!!

I enjoyed today. Did you??!! Nv reply!

butterfly fantasy at
12:08 AM

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

To lin jie jie, jack and the rest

Sorry, realli sorry..
Think u guys sld b quite pissed off by now.
I cant tok to u guys now.
Realli.
As in, with u guys i cant lie..
I will be a blank piece of paper in front of u guys.
Lin, u noe mi.. u noe im hurt.. but im avoiding you now.
I jus need to let my feelings settle down first
but i cant seem to wan to settle down.
Every nite i will think den i will stop thinking den i pretend im fine.
Let me pretend everything is fine for now k?
Sorry gal..That msg was for real.
We are still as close as b4, k?
nth will change our friendship.

To the joker, auntie and crapper

You three are sooooo kind to me!
Thanks for wat was said and wat was unsaid.
Cf, i can feel ur concern.. But u r so pure, so innocent.. cant pollute ur mind. =)
Jac, thanks for the listening ear. U let mi come thru tt wall once in a while..
Jerri, YOU!! Forever making mi luff becoz of all ur actions!!
U will b a gifted auntie.. Im so gald we will b working tgt.

To that potato who hit mi twice today!

Since i noe u will be here, aiya.. write u something la.. haha.
It was you who acc mi late into those nites.
Drinking and talking.
And u r still here,
watching movies wif mi.
Thanks for all tt u've done.
But pls... popcorn once in a while k?
Nachos does not taste as good as b4.

To tt guy who made mi waited 5 hrs

Heyy!! U better dun make gal wait so longggg can.
Anyway, thanks for acc me.
U got something on but still come over to meet me.
touch*
but still, i waited 5 hrs. haha..
U realli understand wat im gg thru now.
U've been thru it. U survived. So u noe i will be able to survive also.
U r so confident tt i will be fine.
But sumtimes i duno... when will the hurt go away?
When will i face that hurt?
What the both of us is doing now is to run away.
U let her do wat she wans. U do still care about her.
Sometimes its good to talk abt it. Dun hide..
I know that kind of hurt u gone thru is 100x or mayb 1000x more than mi.
I will be here. I will lend u a listening ear k?
No matter wat. Heyy.. we noe each other how long le? Pri 3 till now?
U saw mi when i was the ugliest.
And u see mi now, when im so hurt.
What did u not see me in b4?
haha..
Settle down my dear friend... how long can u play?
Play play wun cure anything.
You noe the pain. Rite?
I will be here. =)
Anyways... we will b gg out again very soon.. on the 7th rite?
So exciting!! haha...
Tis time, u send mi hm k?

p.s our neoprints will be out for viewing very very soon!! haha!!

To the person tt will never read tis..

I love you. Do i need to say more?
Everything was said.
But at the end of everything, I do still love you.
stupid, i noe. but tis is me. oh well...

Weird tt i got a sudden urge to thank so many ppl.
Im truly blessed with such a group of friends.

butterfly fantasy at
12:17 AM

Monday, May 01, 2006

ohhh... yup. u r right. this skin is very familiar!
tis is my first blog skin!
haha.. i used tis back becoz..
erm.. i love butterflies?
haha. i have been searching for something i like after this skin.
But so far, onli this skin attracted mi the most.
*loves hehe..

Btw, ppl take good care of ur health.
2 of my friends is dwn wif fever le.
weather is really key siao siao these few days.

"No matter how angry u r, u cant do anything either."
One simple sentence changed my perspective.
Thanks.. only you understand.

butterfly fantasy at
12:06 PM